The Facts of Life
The Musical

The Unauthorized Parody
Book and Lyrics by Jared Eberlein, Music by David Mallamud

Opening Number: We meet the girls of The Eastland School for Girls

Blair sings a way-too-sincere-for-a-parody-musical ballad about the horrors of being insanely rich. 

Tootie, addicted to Heroine and Meth after having fallen in love with Jermaine Jackson, is "interventioned" by Natalie who suggests that she should be Tootie's new drug.